Autistic people often compare their experiences to what it would be like to be extraterrestrial visitors on our planet. I propose that we take this metaphor seriously, and give it primacy. I provide nine reasons why all of us should support and encourage the widespread, default, and friendly use of this serious (but non-literal) visitor metaphor when describing many people currently described as autistic. Here are some glimpses of them.

First, "visitor" is not a label. It is a metaphor. Labels can be harmful, and can cause negative effects. Metaphors are much more playful, and are less likely to do any harm.

Second, "visitor" is the very best kind of metaphor, the kind that restores one's senses of authority and self-determination. "Are you autistic?" is a big question. "Are you a visitor?" is an easy question! If you feel like the word "visitor" applies to you, and if you like that it applies to you, then it does. No one else's opinion is required, or even relevant, because you are not just a perfect authority on this. You are the only authority.

Third, "visitor" is the perfect metaphor to prepare us for the stunning discovery that autism has been profoundly misdescribed. Though this is still widely believed, and widely repeated, autistic people do not actually have a mind reading problem. It turns out, instead, that all human beings have a mind reading problem, and it is the same mind reading problem. Autistic and non-autistic people make up two approximate groups. Members of each group are very good at reading the minds of members of their own group, and terrible at reading the minds of members of the other group. In other words, being a visitor is not just how this experience feels. It is also how it seems.

Fifth, being "visitors" helps us have a sense of humor about at least some of our problems, which makes it a lot easier to stop ruminating about them, and start mitigating them. [I discuss, in detail, the examples of having sleep difficulties, being picky eaters, having difficulty making friends, and having difficulties with eye contact. For all of these, the visitor metaphor completely transforms how we see these problems, and makes them much easier to overcome.]

Last, and most importantly, "visitor" provides a marvelous mechanism for protecting autistic people from a variety of risk factors associated with a heightened vulnerability to suicide. The suicide rates of autistic and possibly autistic people are far higher than average, and this heightened risk has been found to be associated with a number of risk factors. [I describe these risk factors in detail, and I explain how remarkably helpful the visitor metaphor is with transforming and mitigating each of those risk factors.]